


Broken Memories

by hurluberlu



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bathroom, Break Up, Breaking and Entering, Cheating, Cutting, Depression, Ex-Boyfriends, F/M, Fluff, Knive, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 02:54:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5317796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hurluberlu/pseuds/hurluberlu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"That doesn't mean I condone it! This isn't okay Dean! Don't you get that?</p><p>Normal people don't hurt themselves to get through pain."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Memories

"I'm sorry Dean. I just don't think I can do this anymore." Dean nodded to himself, his fingers growing pale as they gripped the sides of his phone tightly.

A moment of silence passed before Dean moved his mouth away from the the receiver, a quiet cough falling from his shaking lips. His eyes blinked quickly, clearing the the tearful blindness that covered his vision.

"Dean?-"

"Ye-" Dean cleared his throat, deepening his suddenly high-pitched and shaky voice. "-Yeah?"

"I just want you to know that... That you didn't do anything wrong. 'It's not you, it's me' and all that. Do you understand?"

Dean let out a humorless laugh, turning to look at himself in the mirror before quickly turning away. "Yeah... Yeah I understand."

The line was silent again, Dean repeating his next words over and over in his mind. "Jo... I love you."

"Dean... I know. But I have to do this."

Dean smiled softly. "I know."

"Goodbye Dean."

Dean didn't say a word, keeping the phone pressed up to his ear, hearing the soft beeps of an ended call.

Dean dropped his phone to his covers, stumbling into his bathroom and falling into the tub as his entire body lost its will to stand.

He leaned his head against the tiled wall as his clothed skin felt the cold of the empty tub seeping in.

Dean sighed and let the tears stream down his face, his blank eyes staring up to the ceiling. He blindly felt around in his left front pocket, his eager fingertips closing around the handle of his pocket knife.

With a deep breath he pulled the knife out, flipping it open as his eyes swept along his arms, traveling over years of healed scars and buried memories.

Dean clutched the handle tightly, bringing a wrist up to his face so he could examine it, turning it in front of his eyes as he studied the clear skin. He lifted the knife to meet it, letting the cold metal gently press against the dark blue vein, not quite cutting through.

Dean rolled his bottom lip between his teeth, watching the blade sink down into his skin, his mouth opening and letting out a sound of rediscovered pleasure.

Dean dropped the knife to his lap, watching the beads of ruby drip from the line in his skin. He was content for a moment, and as the blood slowed he picked the knife back up and drew another line underneath the first.

Spots began to cloud his vision as a wide smile covered his face, a large contrast to the drying tears still gently rolling down his cheeks.

Caught up in his trance, Dean hardly noticed when he heard a sound within his apartment, the sound of a smashing window and a shout of his name. Dean simply smiled again and drew a third parallel line, the red all mixing together to form one slow waterfall from his wrist.

Dean listened as footsteps entered his bedroom, and a disgruntled voice desperately called out his name. He let out a soft, insane, almost drunken laugh, alerting the intruder of his presence in the bathroom. Dean slowly turned his eyes to the doorway, his knife still over his forearm, being held in an overly-shaky hand.

"Jesus Christ-Dean is that-is that blood?"

Dean let his eyelids close as he slowly nodded and smiled stupidly with his head back against the tiled wall.

"Dean what've you done?"

Dean felt hands lift his face and rough thumbs pull open his eyes, watching as his best friend's features appeared in his blurry vision.

"Dean? Dean! Say something!"

Dean licked his lips weakly, his dry tongue not helping to wet the cracking skin.

"Hi... Cas..."

Cas smiled with tears in his eyes, quickly moving his hands from Dean's face to his wrists.

Dean winced and reclosed his eyes as his head hit hard on the tiles. Cas gently ran a fingertip over the drying blood from the three cuts in Dean's skin, prying the knife from Dean's second hand, where it was still weakly being held.

"Dean... Dean why did you do this?"

Dean chuckled, looking up at Cas as his knife was thrown to the bathroom floor.

"She called you..." Dean swallowed hard, his entire body feeling dry from his lost tears that continued to fall. "Didn't she? So you know why."

Cas sighed and ran his thumb back over Dean's cuts, checking the stickiness of the steadily drying blood. "You promised me you'd never do this again." Cas brought Dean's wrist to his mouth, pursing his lips as he gently kissed the dried blood. Cas wrapped his palm around the back of Dean's hand, intertwining their fingers as he closed his eyes and kissed again.

Dean smiled and watched as Cas placed their hands on his forehead, Dean weakly moving his fingertips within the beginning of Cas's hair. "I didn't think I'd have to."

Cas slowly leaned forward, removing Dean's hand from his hair and placing Dean's arm over his shoulder, letting Dean's fingertips graze his back. Cas brought his lips to Dean's forehead, gently kissing the space between his eyebrows. "You didn't... _have_ to-"

"Cas. You know how fucked up I am. You know this helps-"

"That doesn't mean I condone it! This isn't okay Dean! Don't you get that?" Cas threw Dean's arm down to his lap, standing up as he turned away from the tub, his fingertips rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Normal people don't hurt themselves to get through pain."

Dean scoffed and placed his hands flat on the tub's bottom, pushing his weight up as he attempted to stand.

Cas turned around just in time to catch Dean before he fell face first to the floor. Cas took a few steps back, lifting Dean the rest of the way out of the tub by his underarms.

Cas sat with his back against the bathroom wall, dragging Dean down with him. Cas opened his legs, turning Dean's body around so that his chest was against Dean's back as they sat in the bathroom.

"I'm sorry Dean. Do I need to take you to a hospital?"

Dean shook his head as he felt both Cas's breaths against the top of his head and Cas's chest rising and falling in sync.

"No...No I'm fine."

Cas looked down at the top of Dean's head, studying every dirty-blond strand before shaking his head in response. Cas sighed and leaned his head back against the cold wall, letting out a soft laugh.

Dean turned his head, looking up into Cas's eyes as they glittered with humor.

Cas slowly leaned downwards, his lips meeting Dean's for just a second before pulling back and placing both of his hands on either side of Dean's face.

"Why did we break up?"

Cas's gaze skipped from Dean's left eye to his right one as he asked the question.

Dean laughed back and neared Cas's face, letting their noses touch.

"I don't even know anymore."

Dean turned back around, laying his head against the front of Cas's shoulder. He grabbed Cas's hands, wrapping Cas's arms around his waist as he closed his eyes.

"Are you really going to be okay?"

Dean nodded, rubbing the pads of his thumbs over Cas's unblemished wrists. "Yeah." Dean thought over it for a second, nodding his head again confidently as his eyes remained closed. "Yeah I'll be fine. "

Cas leaned his head against the wall and closed his own eyes, letting himself fall asleep with Dean in his arms.


End file.
